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Unholy Menopause Ritual Box

$75.00

Midlife Ritual Magic- Hot flashes. Holy water. You got this.

A luxe five-step ritual that transforms any bathroom into a sanctuary of calm, cooling, and cheeky relief: mist, light, soak, roll, breathe.

What’s Inside

“NOPE” Candle: Light it to set boundaries, the mood, and the unspoken warning that the nonsense stops here.

Holy Mist Ritual Spray: Purifies your air, your energy, and the part of your soul that wants to throat punch someone.

Holy Water Ritual Soak: Mineral rich salts that cool, calm, and gently talk your body out of behaving like an erupting volcano.

Holy Cooling Ritual Roll on: Lavender peppermint relief for hot flashes, mood swings, and the sudden realization that you are on fire.

Affirmation Card: A gentle reminder that you are, in fact, the main character and everyone else is background noise.

Why It Works

Sensory layering: Ritual of calm and control (because midlife doesn’t come with instructions).

Signature scent: Lavender peppermint for cooling, soothing, and blessed by every woman who has ever survived a hot flash in public.

Honest luxury: Elegant presentation meets real woman humor. Beauty with a wink.

Clean ingredients: Botanical. Biodegradable. Zero nonsense.

Quantity:

Midlife Ritual Magic- Hot flashes. Holy water. You got this.

A luxe five-step ritual that transforms any bathroom into a sanctuary of calm, cooling, and cheeky relief: mist, light, soak, roll, breathe.

What’s Inside

“NOPE” Candle: Light it to set boundaries, the mood, and the unspoken warning that the nonsense stops here.

Holy Mist Ritual Spray: Purifies your air, your energy, and the part of your soul that wants to throat punch someone.

Holy Water Ritual Soak: Mineral rich salts that cool, calm, and gently talk your body out of behaving like an erupting volcano.

Holy Cooling Ritual Roll on: Lavender peppermint relief for hot flashes, mood swings, and the sudden realization that you are on fire.

Affirmation Card: A gentle reminder that you are, in fact, the main character and everyone else is background noise.

Why It Works

Sensory layering: Ritual of calm and control (because midlife doesn’t come with instructions).

Signature scent: Lavender peppermint for cooling, soothing, and blessed by every woman who has ever survived a hot flash in public.

Honest luxury: Elegant presentation meets real woman humor. Beauty with a wink.

Clean ingredients: Botanical. Biodegradable. Zero nonsense.

Why This Ritual Exists

It is self care with a sense of humor. A grounding ritual for the woman who is navigating hormone chaos, body changes, and the daily question of what is even happening right now. It is a reminder that you are not losing your mind. You are becoming stronger, funnier, wiser, and a whole lot more unbothered.

Created because real women told the truth of what midlife actually feels like: sleeplessness that makes no sense, hot flashes that arrive uninvited, mood swings with zero warning signs, and the moments when your patience evaporates and the nonsense must exit the room immediately. This ritual meets you right there and makes it feel sacred again.

Whether you are gifting it or claiming it for yourself, the Midlife Ritual Box brings calm, cooling, and a little laughter to the sacred art of reinvention. Lavender and peppermint anchor the experience with soothing balance and quiet confidence. Midlife is not a crisis. It is a comeback.

Because even now, miracles still happen in the bath.

How to Use

Mist. Light. Soak. Butter. Affirm.
Translation: spray, breathe, chill, moisturize, and remember who the hell you are.

Clean Ingredients You Can Trust

Your midlife rituals deserve better than mystery chemicals.

Every product in this box is crafted with biodegradable, pH-balanced, botanical ingredients that are as honest and clean as the rituals they support.

No greenwashing. No hormone-disrupting nonsense. No “we swear it’s natural” fine print.

Just honest, clean, spa-quality ingredients for evolving skin — and evolving patience.